Authentic Beauty
“Live authentically. Why would you continue to compromise something that’s beautiful to create something that is fake?” – Steve Maraboli
Hello Dear Friend,
I was 22 and living in Baton Rouge when I developed a case of social anxiety. I think I’d had some of the tendencies for a while before actually coming to realize that occasionally I would have minor “episodes” of anxiety brought on by being around too big of a group for me to handle at once.
My roommate had multiple degrees, one of which being in psychology and she had mentioned a few times over the course of us living together that maybe I ought to go see a psychologist. It sounds extreme but she was trying to help and the suggestion came because she cared. She had told me that she would do it herself but she was afraid because we were so close that our relationship would sway her to have a bias option that could compromise the true result. She also added that if I did go to see someone that I needed to make sure it was someone with a strong Christian faith.
Oddly enough, it was right around this time back in 2010 when we were watching the opening ceremony to the Winter Olympic Games which were being held in Vancouver that year. My roommate, a Canadian native, was explaining the entire program to me and all the symbolism that was carried throughout the performance. She kept saying what an amazing job that the choreographer had done at truly capturing Canada’s history through everything in the program. I also remember that they’d chosen on the Canadian actor, Donald Sutherland to be the voice of the narrator in the show – the perfect choice in my option. We were both pretty mesmerized by all of it and I remember taking note of the “costumes” the actors/actresses were wearing throughout the show. At one point I finally asked her if they really dressed that way in Canada because I loved it and that’s how I’d dress if I could. That was all the ammunition my roommate needed to decide she was going to attempt to figure out the root of my social issues.
I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to analyze yourself but it isn’t an easy task. My roommate probably asked me between 7 to 10 questions that night in an attempt to figure out where the social anxiety was stemming from. Although I can’t recall the questions exactly, the nature of each question had to do with if I’d felt like an outcast based on appearances and if I felt like I needed to change myself in order to be accepted in society. I struggled to answer a few of them because they were questions I would have never even thought to ask myself so I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer and had to dig deep.
When the questions finally ended my roommate thought carefully for a few minutes before stating, “Well,” she paused before continuing, “You definitely are not afraid to be different.”
Given the fact that she couldn’t reach a concrete conclusion to the series of questions she asked based on her training I imagine that the outcome had her completely stumped. I assumed that it was nowhere close to the result she had anticipated when she decided to exercise her psychology skills on me proven by her delayed answer.
I remember thinking about her lack of a diagnosis for a couple of seconds before responding with confidence and sincerity, “You’re right! That’s not my problem.”
To this day, over a decade later, I’m still not sure why or what it is exactly that causes me to exhibit a mild case of social anxiety from time to time but I can tell you with absolute certainty that isn’t not because I fear being different. After all, it’s like Dr. Seuss famously said, “Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?”
Be Authentic to Who You Are
“Authenticity is about being true to who you are, even when everyone around you wants you to be someone else.” – Michel Jordan
Overall, my time in Louisiana sucked. For me, there was some truth in the joke people like to make when they refer to the state as “lousy-anna” but the reason why it was so lousy for me was because I was going through a lot of spiritual “growing pains” during that season of my life. I’m being a tad harsh it wasn’t all bad there was some fun mixed in there.
Looking back, I’m eternally grateful that God planted me in Louisiana for a time and for all the lessons He taught me while I was there. He strengthened and healed me through a painful period of time filled with the stretching and pulling brought on in that part of my journey.
I questioned everything during that season of my life. Upon moving to the state I found myself homeless – moving into my roommate’s one-bedroom apartment for the first month I lived there. Fast track to the day before I was moving out of the state and my tire decided to blowout on the freeway in the middle the swamplands around midnight – delaying my moving date. During all the time in between moving in and out of Louisiana I was being tested continuously: emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.
While considering leaving and moving back to where I’d come from my roommate offered me a pretty great analogy. This helped bring things into prospective for me and helped me in making my decision.
“Think of it like this,” she started. “You are in the store with some friends and you all see this dress hanging on the rack. All of your friends start commenting on and on about how stunning you’d look in that dress. ‘Go try it on!’ they all say. So you go to try it on only to find out that it just isn’t right. All your friends keep telling you how great the color is for your complexion. How it’s the perfect length and style. It’s an amazing deal for the price. It looks great on the hanger. ‘You should buy it!’ they urge. But it doesn’t fit you.”
She finishes up by saying, “You could think of this job the same way. It’s a great job. But it just doesn’t fit you.” Her words said a lot since the advice she was giving me was a selfless act on her part. Aside from being a longtime family friend and my roommate she also happened to be my boss at that time. If I left, she’d be without any help.
I could have stayed. I could have decided that the securities of having a job in my chosen profession and a steady income during the time of a broken economy meant more to me than my true identity. I could have put on a mask and become a version of myself that I was never supposed to be. I could have settled and fallen into prey of what looked good on paper and what looked good to the rest of the world even when it didn’t fit me. For me being there was toxic and I knew that if I stayed I’d lose a part of myself in the process.
Although I knew I’d be moving back in with my parents and was potentially leaving with no job prospects and had no savings I decided to step out in faith as I told our employers that I was leaving. My faith was being tested and I chose to be faithful to what God was telling me to do and in return He remained faithfully to His child. I ended up leaving the company with a subcontract position that helped carry me into the next season of my life.
Staying Authentic
“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks to cover the truth of who you are.” – Debbie Ford
Throughout the years I’ve taken pride in knowing that one word that defines me is – authentic. As a preteen and teenage I really struggled with self-esteem. The best I’d ever be to anyone in any one of my social circles was second best and I knew that. Throughout a majority of my teens I was literally friendless but I can honestly say that even though I felt alone most of the time I was never willing to compromise who I was in the process. Even if I didn’t have a clue who that girl was I knew who she wasn’t and I wasn’t willing to change just for the sake of being liked and having meaningless friendships.
My twenties taught me a lot about myself. Looking back, they were some of the key years that helped to define me as I explored different territories and made new experiences that took me on roads that guided me to where I am today. The journey of my twenties helped to shape me into my own person as I gained confidence in who I was and who I wanted to be.
To this day I often feel like an outcast in social circles. Couple that with my introverted nature and I might have the answer to the social anxiety that comes randomly without any warning. One thing has remained true though when it boils right down to it, I don’t care what people think about me. Sure I’d rather they like me and I’d rather have friends just like anyone would. But unlike so many people I know I’m not willing to change who I am just for the approval of fleeting relationships.
I like me. I like who I’ve fought to become. More importantly, God likes me. At the end of the day I care about what God sees when He looks at me. After all He’s the only one that I’m truly looking to impress and He sees who I am without any kind of mask on so why should I live my life as a version of a person I’m not? I’d rather be living my life as the girl that He’s carefully and thoughtfully designed and to always remain genuine in the authentic form that He’s created me to be.
With love,
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