When I Called & HE Answered
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." – John 8:36
Hello Dear Friend,
I know! I was just coming to the good part and the climax of the story in my last letter and then I hit the pause button and I left you hanging while I went to catch some z's. So sorry, where were we?
I’m not exactly sure when fear first took a hold of me but I was young, very young. The best I can figure is that it was somewhere between 15 to 17 years that I allowed fear to control my life. You want to know the most irritating part about it? For years I knew what controlled me and I knew that those dark binding shadows trailed behind me like a small gang. I also knew that year after year I continued to let it feed off of me. Even though it haunted me, I spent my time and my energy pushing it further back into the deepest darkest shadows inside me but that didn’t help. Trying to ignore it didn’t make it go away or even help to make it any smaller instead it continued to grow…
I was absolutely miserable during the months that I spent living in Louisiana following my college graduation. I took a job out there during a time when the economy was at it's worst and jobs were scarce, especially "career" jobs. In fact I was so miserable at that time that I remember this this one night in October when I was literally crying myself to sleep. I was in the middle of doing the ugly cry (seriously, it was bad) when I decided to call out to God.
“Did I hear You wrong? Did I make a mistake? Was I not supposed to move here? What?” I was asking all these questions as I gasped for air in between the tears and tried to keep quiet so as not to disturb my roommate asleep in the other room.
I'll pause here for a second. I don’t how God speaks to you. It could be through music, a movie, driving down the highway, a friend or family member, a complete stranger, a child, it could be a feeling or through scripture reading, a mentor maybe, or something else entirely. Heck, it could be that God talks to you through your cheese curly fries or a hamburger slathered in ketchup for all I know! I’m not judging. God talks to us in all kinds of different ways.
Anyway, maybe your God moments look like mine did in the quite dark stillness of that night. However God talks to you and wherever He meets you be ready and willing to listen. I think it was because I was at such a low point in my life and I was hurting so badly and deeply searching for some kind of relief that I was ready to listen and eager to hear what it was that He had to say to me. I have never had God speak to me as loudly or as clearly as He did in that moment before or since.
"I want you here."
Those were the four simple words that hung softly in the darkness of my bedroom. That was it. He didn’t tell me why. He didn’t say how long. No explanation. Just, “I want you here.”
More tears streamed down my face as snot ran from my nose and I responded, “OK. I will stay
until You say I can leave.”
Hey, I didn't say the story was a pretty one. To be honest those words weren't exactly what I wanted to hear without any kind of context but I knew, even then, that as bad as I thought things were at least I was still in God’s grace. That I could be sure of since He'd just confirmed it. I knew that things could be a heck of a lot worse if I stepped out of that shield of His grace. So I stayed. I didn’t know why I was there and I didn’t know how long I'd have to stay. Things were still pretty bad but at least I knew I was right where God wanted me.
Time move forward. Thanksgiving was quickly approaching as the days continued and I waited on God. It was during that holiday weekend that I had one of my game-changer, life moments…
I was 22 when I decided that fear had taken enough from me. Much like the season of the White Witch finally coming to an end as Aslan moved bringing spring with him like warm wave washing away her winter’s power in C.S. Lewis’ beloved childhood series, The Chronicles of Narnia, I could feel the fear demon's power weaken and its grasp loosening as I found my courage and the strength to speak authority over it.
It was on that Thanksgiving holiday weekend when my roommate and I found ourselves discussing fear while in the living room of our apartment that I realized it was time. Fear had taken too much time from me. It had stole way too much from my past and I refused to let it have any more of my present or dip into my future. So that evening there we were. My roommate bent beside me as we both with tear-stained faces bowed our heads in agreement and prayed. On my knees I turned to face my demon. I called it by name and spoke with the authority given to me by another name, the name of Jesus, a name far greater and more powerful than the one that belong to the demon that haunted me.
Then it happened, everything changed and I was finally free! No longer tethered to the chains that had me bound for years – this newfound freedom was immediate and a glorious relief washed over me! The chains were broken! The fear that had held me captive for so long and once controlled my every move no longer had any power over me!
I called out to God and He didn’t just hear me. He answered when I called to Him and He set free! It's just like the Psalmist said in 34:4, "I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all of my fears."
Just in case you were wondering it was early/mid-December of that same year I heard God again. This time He was relieving me from Louisiana. Although I didn’t end up leaving the state until April, I had His words ringing like a sweet song in my head...
"That was it. You needed to be delivered from that. You needed to be set free and now that you have, you are free to go."
Now, I don’t know why it had to be Louisiana other than the fact that I was stripped of all family, all but one friend (my roommate) and all comforts of home which freed me of all life’s distractions so that my focus was shifted on the Lord for comfort, refuge and strength. I do know that if I hadn’t been content in the words God’s spoke to me when I cried out to Him earlier that Fall then I might have missed out on my freedom call and I could still be living my life in fear and bondage.
Instead I decided to made the choice to walk in faith and wait on the Lord, believing that He had my best interest even when I couldn’t see what He was up to. I'm so glad I waited on the Lord, practiced patience and acted in obedience because if I hadn’t I would have most likely ended up on a detour and missed out on the blessing(s) He had for me.
With love,
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