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By Deanna

Just Remember That I Love You

"When the blues come calling at the break of dawn. When the rain keeps falling but the rainbow’s gone. When you feel like crying but the tears won’t come. Then your dreams are dying when you’re on the run… Firefall, Just Remember I Love You


Hello Dear Friend,


Do you ever feel like Satan is telling his minions to take a bat and just start wailing on you? Admittedly, I do. I picture it looking somewhat like a movie. Pretend for a minute you’ve got the starring role and decide to go after the thug that’s causing so many problems and there’s that one person trying to stop you by saying, “He won’t just come after you. He’ll come after you, your loved ones and anyone you’ve ever met.” Yeah that pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately. I go through these periods where I feel like its open season and I’m the target. In part that’s one reason why I kind of went through a silent spell over the holidays.


I won’t get into all of last years challenges but this morning I woke up with back pain and feeling kind of low. A week before Christmas I found out I have scoliosis after waking up barely being able to move my upper body. Anyways, as I was lingering in bed I started thinking back to a few months ago. It was late summer moving into early fall of 2020 and I was dealing with some health issues that had my doctor investigating certain things. When the results from my blood work shown what looked to be some abnormalities they ran the same test again a month later getting the same results. In less than 48 hours I was referred to and had an appointment with a Blood Disease and Cancer Specialist…Yeah, you read that right. Turns out that it was just my doctor being overly precautious and after further tests the specialist believes that my levels just run lower than what is considered average – praise report!


Since I didn’t know that at the time…


I was trying not to freak out as I headed down the mountain on the day in between the referral and the appointment. I tried to stay positive and not jump ahead of myself before the facts were in. But there were those brief moments when my defensive barrier was down and my mind would wander and dwell on the worst case. I was coming through town and lost in my thoughts when it happened. I focused on what was playing on the radio and as I listened to the lyrics through the stereo God whispered to me through the music…

“Just remember I love you. It will be alright. Remember I love you more than I can say. Just remember… I love you.”

Then a peace washed over me. Yeah, I had no idea what was to come. No clue what outcome would be revealed in my appointment the following morning – was it cancer, a blood disorder, or simply nothing? I had no idea what the doctor would say. But in that moment I did know that my God is my rock and come what may it was all going to be ok as I clung to the simple truth that God loves me.


Remember that I love you. So simple, so true and yet in my life, way too often it’s forgettable. I get busy, times get hard, and I get tired. Mentally low and stuck in my own head as the exhaustion sets in and the weariness grows all I want to do is escape into a Netflix binge and chill on my sofa. I forget to remember that God loves me. Through my best and my worst, in my triumphs and my tribulations, my joys and my sorrows, in my strength and my weakness, my comfort and my pain, in my beauty and my ugliness, my highs and lows, in the calm and the crazy, the good times and the bad His love for this child is steadfast and unshakable. His love continues to endure.


I don’t know how God talks to you. But for me, in a moment when I so desperately needed to feel Him near, He came to me through a Firewall song on the radio of all things. With this being the eve of St. Valentine’s Day I’m focused on a love that runs so much deeper than the pain currently traveling throughout my back or any other trial I may face. I’m focused on a love that far out measures anything else that this world has to offer. Love from the Heavenly Father that He showers on His earthly child and the grace that’s found in that love. Today I’m listening to the gentle whispers of my God as He says, “Just remember. I love you.”


With love,

a Poetic Soul
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I'm Deanna: a small-town girl with a gypsy soul & boho spirit stumbling my way through a maze of grace.

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