The Puppet Master
"Baby’s in the cradle, mamas in the bed Sparrows on the windowsill and the devil’s in my head Devil’s in my head, mama, the devil’s in my head…" – The Avett Brothers, Satan Pulls The Strings
Hello Dear Friend,
Those lyrics from the Avett Brother’s seemed pretty fitting for what I'm about to say and felt like a good way to sum up and start out this next letter.
I know there’s a lot happening in our world these days and it feels like we’re being hit from all directions and nothing seems to be off limits. These days it feels like anything we hear is nothing but bad news on top of bad news from everything going on with the Corona virus and the ripple effect caused by that, to dams breaking, flash floods coming from what's beginning to feel like never ending rains, and more and more hurricanes, tornadoes, and cyclones seem to be popping up. All of that and then some things not even mentioned and that doesn’t even include all the personal things that each of us are dealing with.
Several of my friends and family are going through some pretty difficult times right now. During our conversations they’ve shared some things with me about the fear and anxieties they are currently dealing with. While listening and trying to be an encouragement to them I realize it’s probably time that I open up and share some of my testimony and a bit about my past.
I don’t know who you are or where you come from. I don’t know your beliefs or your religion and I don’t know your story or the wars that rage on inside of you. I don’t know the demons you face and the hours you’ve spent fighting them off. But here is what I do know – at some point the devil has been in your head.
I was in the single digits when fear first consumed me. No, I’m not talking about the simple childhood fears that we all face at some point in time. Like monster’s hiding under the bed or that big scary uncle that you feel the need to tip-toe past during family gatherings or other little tiny things that we all eventually grow out of and laugh over later. Sadly my fears ran much deeper and I ended up showing the devil pretty early in my life how he could get to me. All he had to do was plant these little seeds labeled “fear” in my head and watch as I allowed his haunting whispers to grow until his lies grew so much that they had enough power to control me.
Living your life in fear is horrible because you end up living your life not really living. Fear has this terrible hold on you. Fear consumes you to the point where you're no longer truly living - at best you’re existing and that’s it. Hour after hour, day after day and year after year you watch your life pass you by. You struggle to find joy. You have no peace. You have no rest. You have no passion or purpose. Fear will plague you until you realize you have no freedom. You have no life because fear’s grip on you is so strong that you're too afraid to actually live the life that God created for you. You can’t kick back and relax or explore new territories or enjoy the glorious journey in figuring out who you are and why God put you here on this earth. You can't seek out what makes you happy because you’re too busy with the fear, worry and anxiety that dominate your thoughts.
For 15+ years fear was an ever present darkness that I lived with. It was a darkness that tormented me day in and day out without relent. Days turned into years and the hold grew stronger and stronger until one day when I was in my early twenties and I woke up to the cruel reality that my childhood and my teens were gone and that I didn’t have any clue what it was like to live and not be afraid.
That seems like a pretty good place to stop for a bit since the Sandman is telling me it’s time to sleep. Be looking for my next letter, I’ll write again soon and pick up where I’ve left off.
Until…
With love,
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